The journey...

stepfordwifeintraining — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 18:07:06 +0000

the other day my second mom said something to me that stuck out and has been playing in my head. it is something my mother has insinuated many times and something i knew at the back of my head… but it was really powerful coming from her. She said… he is a good person, he will help you. but end of the day it is your household. you will have to run it.

it is my household. I like that.

stepfordwifeintraining — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 16:23:32 +0000

why is it that anjali throws me off so much. her amazing collage. her fugly glass pumpkin. memories of family picnics. its not like he hasn’t had other ex-s . i like the fact that he has dated before. i also know he loves me like no other. then why does she throw me off so much? then again she is the only one that is rubbed in my fae. she is there when i look at family pictures on facebook. she’s there when they talk about the beautiful picnic they had a few summers ago. she is even there when i try to decorate my apartment. and though i know she is not on my husband’s mind all the time.. i know she is there somewhere. its like they broke up but she never actually left. by not taking his calls she is constantly on his mind. i’ve had ex-s too. abhijeet and i thought we were going to marry each other for 7 yrs but he isn’t on my mind now. he isn’t a part of this marriage cuz it was over. it finished when this started. but somehow anjali continues to be a part of this marriage. i dont know whether it is because she is really on his mind a lot or because i keep dragging her between us cuz i am insecure. but something is not right. it is not normal to start balling because you saw that your husband has been looking through an old photo album right?

i can’t tell which one of us is holding on to her and letting her come between us but it needs to stop.

i feel like i am going crazy. i dont know what to do.

stepfordwifeintraining — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 21:26:19 +0000

What does it mean to be a wife? Is it knowing you can have sex with someone without worrying about STDs or awkward morning afters? Is it having the ability to spend someone else’s money? Is it a chance to wear a sparkly ring on your left hand? or is it something more?

I dont know what it means to be a wife. I have been one for three months now and I can honestly say it is just starting to sink in. I am one of those people that has been preparing to be a wife since they were 5. And while I wasn’t planning to get married for another good number of years, I met the most wonderful man and I knew he was the one.

If you want to find out your most deep seated issues… get married. I swear it is the fastest way to get the ‘crazy’ to come pouring out. My god you should have been in my head at that time, I was freaking out, I was freaking out about how my freaking out might be affecting my husband, I was freaking out about what-if my husband started freaking out too…. in short , I was a mess. But we got through it. and not only did we just get through it, we worked through it. We talked about our views and arrived at solutions and now I really feel like his wife.

What does it mean to be a wife? I am sure I will learn slowly through the years…. but the good thing is that I have started to feel like one.

stepfordwifeintraining — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 15:07:05 +0000

I have a loving husband who is patient, who is not cheating on me and quit smoking on my account. what more can i ask for? I feel like such an ungrateful brute for not being happy. I have a husband who is supportive and i have a gorgeous ring on my finger. and yet there are tears streaming down. when did I become so ungrateful.

no one really tells you what it would be like to be married. they tell you the sex get better but they dont tell you that you’ll only have sex when his boys need to let out and no more. they dont tell you that you become boring to him and he wont get turned on no matter how hard you try once he has let out for the week. and you can never imagine you how insecure this would make you feel.

they tell you that you should get married in your mid to late twenties at the earliest but they dont tell you the real reasons for that. they dont tell you that if you get married too early, none of your friends will understand what you are going through and you will be left with no one to talk to.

they tell you that you will have social obligations but they never tell you that once you are married, social obligations to pretty much everyone else in your husbands life will take priority over you. because it is understood that the two of you can spend time ‘whenever’ but it would be rude not to spend time with others when they are available. even if you and your husband are together for only two days per week.

they never tell you that while you are debating whether your husband is really being unfair or whether you are just being too needy, a conversation with your parents about their romantic plans can bring you to tears and have you crying all morning.

i really dont know if its me or if its all in my head. i dont know whether it is that i am being treated unfairly and being taken for granted or whether I should accept this as the reality of any wife.

stepfordwifeintraining — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 13:44:57 +0000

am I ever going to tell him that I watch cheesy tv serials when I should be doing more productive things? probably. I think that is what I love the best about him. I do not feel like I have to be anyone I am not. I love him and I know he loves me. and that is the most wonderful feeling in the world.

stepfordwifeintraining — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 11:57:15 +0000

What I like best about getting married is knowing I’ll never have to go through akward first dates again. Never have to play the dating game, not knowing whether you are in an exclusive relationship, trying to guess whether the guy is single and interested or just flirting for kicks… God knows I have made all the classic dating mistakes. I have tossed and turned and bent over backwards for all sorts of guys who weren’t worth my time. After a particularly horrible relationship I turned to self help books. It has been some seven years since I started dating and by the end of it I could call plays before they were made. I was starting to get really jaded by the dating scene when I met the most amazing guy for me and now we are getting married… but before all that came the the slew of mistakes.

I was talking to my girlfriend Su through her dating misery and I leant her one of the books I had used when I was really down in the dumps and clueless… ‘He’s just not that into you’. Though I would never admit reading that book to anyone who knows my name, it had really helped me gain some much needed perspective when I had none and now my friend can’t help keep calling me to tell me how much she can relate and how glad she is that I passed on the book. The other book that had really helped was ‘Why men love bitches’ and though I want her to read that book eventually , she isn’t ready yet. All in good time.

I can’t believe I had to turn to pink and green self-help books for dating advice… but what can I say. they helped.

Now as I head to the alter with this beautiful rock on my hand I am glad I got to pass on what I learned from my dating mistakes to someone else. Here is to hoping I will never need that set of skills again.

SWIT

A month

stepfordwifeintraining — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 14:33:21 +0000

A traditional indian woman never calls her husband by his name. Is that what I want to do? I dont know. Our marriage… now only a month away! … is strange blend of old and new. While it is a traditional eastern arranged marriage from my side, from his side its very western marriage where he met a girl he fell in love with and decided to marry her with little or no input from the parents. So do I want to call him by his name?

In the traditional marriage in both India and America, there is definitely a power shift where overtly the men have the power but underneath it all the woman rules the roost. Is that really what I want for my marriage?

Just the fact that I am questiong it tells me that I’m not happy with the way things stand. I dont want an overtly screwed power balance. It will be strange calling him by his name suddenly after so many months of never doing it… but it’ll be even stranger to do it after years of being married.

We are at that point where we are defining our relationship. I need to figure out what I want now.

Homework

stepfordwifeintraining — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 22:32:37 +0000

Have you ever looked at porn as homework? One of my personality traits is that when I get nervous about something I read up as much about it as possible. With the wedding coming up I have been reading up on everything from “Happy Housewifes” by Darla Shine to living in the city guides. One of the other things I have started to do is watch porn from a purely academic standpoint. Considering I didn’t start having sex till I got engaged I sometimes feel like I have a lot of catching up to do. I’ve read the cosmo tips and tricks and all that but when it comes time to impliment it feels strange and unnatural to be contorted in strange ways and most of the times I am not even sure I am doing it right… so I watch strangers ( on mute. i find the sounds too distracting) so I know what it is like when actual people do it as opposed to the cosmo cartoons. So I know how to move or whether it is supposed to look/feel as awkward as it does. I wonder if anyone else does that.

I have so much work to get done before I head out for the wedding. 14 days . Must make it count.

The main fight

stepfordwifeintraining — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 11:18:53 +0000

They say that a couple keeps repeating their first fight over and over. We are already doing that. but considering that the relationship is fairly new and that we have only been having this fight for a month or two I think now is a good time to put and end to it. Also, it is a fight on my end… I would rather get it worked out before the actual wedding.

I say: It is frustrating not being told everything. He wont give me details or tell me what was said in conversations and later when I am trying to tell him or when he is talking to someone else… it turns out that he knew all along. He just didn’t feel he needed to share any of it with me. I feel left out.

He says: Its not that he is actively trying to hide things from me, its just that he doesn’t think to tell me these silly little details. there are either other more important things on his mind or he would rather just hear me talk about things important to me.

I guess I am worried there will be a lack of intimacy but if I think about it, there really is no reason for me to feel that way. It has been hard on us as a couple since our entire pre-marriage dating has been long distance and it is really not hard to see why he doesn’t want to spend the precious moments we have together talking about silly things about other people. He isn’t a girl. I really just need to find girlfriends to go over little details with.

The first crack

stepfordwifeintraining — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 10:32:43 +0000

Today I learned an important lesson. Even Martha Stewart, the epitome of perfection as a housewife can make mistakes… her cooking video forgot to mention salt! (and yes I was silly/inexperienced enough that I didn’t notice or think about it until it was too late). I made her 3 egg omlette. Its just the basic fluffy omlette everyone expects you to know how to make and yet no one has ever taken the time to show me. Now that I have made it though, I feel like I am running out of excuses for eating out. It was fast, easy, definitely more healthy than anything I would have ordered for take-out , cheap, and the cleanup isn’t bad either. Plus as Martha points out you can add almost anything you want to it so it can taste different everytime.

There is a couple of reasons this is a big deal. 1. because I actually cooked (that only happens a couple of times a year) 2. because my dearly beloved loves loves LOVES eggs so it will be nice if I can actually make eggs once we start living together. 3. I think this is a start to me trying to become more domestic. Until now I have always treated my apartment as a crash pad. It is a storage for my stuff and where I come to sleep when I am cold or exhausted . Cooking in the kitchen forces me to think of it as more of a home as opposed to a rented bed space.

Hmm. Maybe I should actually clean up this place.

SWIT